Futile Horn

11.01.2003 - 4:05 am (at least she it wasn't when she was ten feet tall)

I am sooooo not hot. I was walking down Mulberry tonight, and a group of girls came out of the building just ahead of me. There was a table set up there where a warlock was selling prints. He suddenly decided he was St. Peter or Rhadymanthus or some other judge of souls and started allotting eternity to their souls. “Don’t worry baby, I’m sending you to heaven. Actually, come to hell, you’re hot. You’re all hot! Except that dude behind you.” This is such a blow to my self-esteem.

I also got my ass whipped by Alice in Wonderland. Seriously, she flagellated my buttocks… quite hard as she walked by me for no reason I could tell. I know I’ve an apple of an ass, but there is really no way to tell from the front.

Last year a friend of mine showed up in a black jacket, sunglasses, and a button that said “Kiss Me I’m Irish.” Everyone was supposed to know he was Bono. I took a similar approach this year. My hair’s too long, my chops too big, I need a shave, I’m wearing flannel, and I look kinda creepy. I have to be Neil Young.

I showed up at 14th Street about 7:30. I hadn’t slept in three days, I was motion sick from reading on the train, I was goofy on the exhaust from the traffic, and all of a sudden a parade of costumed freaks spontaneously rose out of the ground around me. So very confused for about twenty minutes.

I watched the Village parade for 47 straight hours and it showed no sign of stopping. What a delicious orgy of daemonology. Halloween is an important night because it is pretty much the last time you get to see that much cleavage until spring. And 30% even belonged to actual women. Hot damn!

I came up with a new idea for a song. It’s about Horace. Heh. Actually I was just trying to do a somewhat poetic translation for memory when I realized I was rhyming and alliterating. Anyway, I mean it to be tolerable to the uninitiated so I aim to refrain from any and all esoteric bullshit. It’ll be good. Hey, I’m keeping an open mind.

Born to play the funky céilí,
Futile Horn